July 6, 2018

If opera characters wrote haiku

I don't blog much in the summer months, for several reasons. First, I'm old. Second, I'm kind of lazy. Third, Virginia Opera shuts down for the summer, so I have little to blog about.
Cio-Cio-san: Surprisingly bad at this

Funny, but I sense that my absence has caused you minimal trauma. I sense that you're doing just fine, cooking on the grill, cavorting on the beach and all that sort of thing.

But I like to stay in touch every now and then before we crank up for the 2018-2019 season, so see if this post scratches your blog-itch. Here's your premise (it's really self-explanatory, so consider this sentence a bit of padding; some soybean meal in the ol' blog-burger):

Some of your favorite opera characters have recently discovered haiku, and boy, are they excited! I now present their initial attempts at writing in this age-old form. Not great, I grant you, but c'mon - they're beginners! Cut them some slack.

OPERA CHARACTER HAIKUS
Love is like a bird?
Sure- eagles, hawks and buzzards.
My kind of birds, yo.
Carmen

Today’s grooming tip:
Don’t neglect to shave the neck.
Super… super… close…
Sweeney Todd

The moon looks bloody.
It’s really freaking me out.
Let’s all go wading!
Wozzeck

Poor old Alvaro-
Gunshot? Just an accident.
Still, he’s gotta go…
Don Carlo di Vargas (La Forza del Destino)

It’s getting stuffy…
This hotel is really cheap-o.
Oh look! My girlfriend!
Radames (Aida)

You wanted a smooch?
Looks like you got one, loser.
Hope you enjoyed it…
(Tosca)

This stuff is great!
No, I’m serious. <hiccup>
Chick magnet? Oh yeah…
Nemorino (The Elixir of Love)

I would die for her!
Someday she’ll be mine, all mine!
Someday… some fine day…
Don Ottavio (Don Giovanni)

Fake mustache, new jacket.
I’m unrecognizable!
Dude, that was easy.
Ferrando. Also Guglielmo (Così fan tutte) 

Oh for the love of…
Stop wasting time and have sex!
Stupid idiots..
Despina  (Così fan tutte) 

Wait, I’m Japanese.
This ought to be easy for me.
…six seven eight? Damn…
Cio-Cio-san (Madama Butterfly)






8 comments:



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