June 25, 2015

Surefire pickup lines for opera-lovers

Cupid. He's lookin' at YOU, bro!
Guys - are you lonely tonight? Socially awkward? If your love-life was an opera, would it be a tragedy? Are you getting less action than a castrato?

I'm here to help you.

Here's the situation: you love opera. You're looking for a girlfriend who also loves opera. If you could just find a cute female who was into Verdi and Puccini, life would be SWEET!. Oh, the sparkling conversations you would have before she threw herself into your empty, empty arms.

But again, you're socially awkward. You attend a Virginia Opera performance and, during intermission, you spot a really nice-looking woman. From across the lobby, your eyes meet. There's a spark there, you can feel it. But you've always been TERRIBLE at breaking the ice. Once you open your mouth, the ladies lose interest.

There, there, pal - it's gonna be okay.

What you need are what us certified Lotharios call a "pickup line"; a witty bon mot to get the conversation started. From there, trust me, hormones and Mother Nature will take over.

Providing you've brushed your teeth and used deoderant, of course.

So here we go!  I'm happy to do you love-starved men a solid and provide you with


10. You must be an icy Chinese princess because I'm losing my head over you.

9. Howdja like to be listed in my own personal "Catalogue aria"?

8. Hey - wanna dress up as my maid and make out?

7. I've got a hundred yen in my pocket that says we're gonna hook up.

6. Hey baby - you and me and an air-tight tomb. Let's do this!

5. How do you take your elixir - neat, or on the rocks?

4. Let's role-play: I'm half-god and you're my sister.

3. They say love's a rebellious bird. Wanna stage a little rebellion at my place?

2. You're engaged? It's okay - I'm from Albania.

And the No. 1 surefire pickup line for opera-lovers:

1  Do you Bach here Offen?


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