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| Gemma Bellincioni as Santuzza Wash your mouth out with soap, girl! |
It's when Santuzza, so angry that she forgets to sing, shrieks out a terrifying curse on Turiddu as he walks away: "A TE LA MALA PASQUA!" In English this literally means "A BAD EASTER TO YOU!"
I'm confident that there are elements of Italian/Sicilian culture, not shared by Americans, that explain how this phrase came to be a thing. It reminds me of my own parents, in a way. My dad always had trouble remembering to bring the trash container out to the curb on pick-up days, so my mom always put a post-it note on the refrigerator door the night before: "Happy Trash Day". In time, "Happy Trash Day" became a thing in our family; something you said as a random greeting on any day.
So on this Good Friday in the year of our Lord 2015, I flew over to Mascagni's studio, rummaged through some desk drawers, and came upon a legal pad containing some alternate curses for Santuzza's big moment, curses that obviously were rejected in favor of the "bad Easter" one.
As a scholar, I feel it my duty to share them with you now. Feel free to adopt any of them that strike you as useful. And gosh - isn't it eerily coincidental and convenient that there happen to be ten of them? I'll say!
TOP 10 REJECTED CURSES FOR SANTUZZA IN CAVALLERIA RUSTICANA
10: I HOPE ALL YOUR CANDY HAS NUTS IN IT BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE ALLERGIC!
9. I HOPE YOUR BUNNY BITES YOU AND THEN RUNS AWAY AND YOU NEVER SEE IT AGAIN!
8. I HOPE YOU HAVE TO SING AT AN OUTDOOR SUNRISE SERVICE AND THE WEATHER IS AWFUL WITH RAIN TURNING TO SLEET!.
7 I HOPE YOU GO TO AN EASTER BRUNCH AND THE PRIME RIB IS RUBBERY AND GREASY AND THE DESSERTS ARE DRY AND TASTELESS!
6. I HOPE A TREE FALLS ON YOU ON ARBOR DAY! (Golly, I didn't even know they celebrated Arbor Day in Sicily...)
5. I HOPE YOU GO TO A PLAY ON LINCOLN'S BIRTHDAY AND SOMEBODY SHOOTS YOU! (I'll admit - this one really surprised me,)
4. I HOPE YOU GET A CUTE FUZZY LITTLE CHICK FOR EASTER AND YOUR FERRET EATS IT WHILE YOU WATCH!
3. I HOPE YOU GET ONLY CINNAMON JELLY BEANS AND NO FRUITY ONES!
2. I HOPE A GUST OF WIND BLOWS YOUR EASTER BONNET OFF YOUR HEAD AND INTO A MUD PUDDLE! (Apparently Mascagni's librettists momentarily forgot that Turiddu is a guy, so this rejection makes sense.)
And the number one rejected curse for Santuzza in Cavalleria Rusticana:
1. I HOPE YOU DON'T GET PASSED OVER AND THAT YOUR BITTER HERBS ARE INAPPROPRIATELY SWEET!
Mascagni, genius that he was, chose well in the end.
9. I HOPE YOUR BUNNY BITES YOU AND THEN RUNS AWAY AND YOU NEVER SEE IT AGAIN!
8. I HOPE YOU HAVE TO SING AT AN OUTDOOR SUNRISE SERVICE AND THE WEATHER IS AWFUL WITH RAIN TURNING TO SLEET!.
7 I HOPE YOU GO TO AN EASTER BRUNCH AND THE PRIME RIB IS RUBBERY AND GREASY AND THE DESSERTS ARE DRY AND TASTELESS!
6. I HOPE A TREE FALLS ON YOU ON ARBOR DAY! (Golly, I didn't even know they celebrated Arbor Day in Sicily...)
5. I HOPE YOU GO TO A PLAY ON LINCOLN'S BIRTHDAY AND SOMEBODY SHOOTS YOU! (I'll admit - this one really surprised me,)
4. I HOPE YOU GET A CUTE FUZZY LITTLE CHICK FOR EASTER AND YOUR FERRET EATS IT WHILE YOU WATCH!
3. I HOPE YOU GET ONLY CINNAMON JELLY BEANS AND NO FRUITY ONES!
2. I HOPE A GUST OF WIND BLOWS YOUR EASTER BONNET OFF YOUR HEAD AND INTO A MUD PUDDLE! (Apparently Mascagni's librettists momentarily forgot that Turiddu is a guy, so this rejection makes sense.)
And the number one rejected curse for Santuzza in Cavalleria Rusticana:
1. I HOPE YOU DON'T GET PASSED OVER AND THAT YOUR BITTER HERBS ARE INAPPROPRIATELY SWEET!
Mascagni, genius that he was, chose well in the end.
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