If Turridu married Turandot: TurTurTur

Turandot & Turridu, sittin' in a tree...

Sit back, Faithful Readers, and watch in jaw-dropping, awe-struck amazement as I CREATE right before your eyes. I'm feelin' it. The genius-juice is flowing, my people. Ready?

I have a scenario all sketched out for a new opera. Working title: Turridu and Turandot. Right away I've got you hooked, right? Two popular heavyweight opera characters, hooking up together onstage in a brand new story. The storyline is still kind of rough - not really a "libretto" per se as yet, and I'm sure I'll tweak it before the world premiere, but it goes something like this:

ACT I: Turridu and Turandot get married and move to Turin. On their honeymoon, he serenades her with the classic Irish ballad "Tura-lura-lura". Anxious to impress him with her domestic side, Turandot prepares a big tureen of turtle soup. But Turridu detests turtles and insists on a diet of turnips. Turandot philosophically replies "To everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn."

ACT II: Turandot and Turridu face turbulent times when Turkey declares war on Turin. Comforting his bride, Turridu sings the consoling aria "Non ti turbare". The mayor of Turin, learning that Turridu has been spying for Turkey, confronts him: "You TURNCOAT!" Turridu admits he was turned by double agents and, revving the turbo engine of his Mercedes (this is the Eurotrash modern staging of Turridu and Turandot), escapes imprisonment.

ACT III: Alone and abandoned, Turandot ponders her fate in the scena "Men are turds".

I sense how deeply moved you all are. I feel both humble and proud.