September 19, 2015

Can this (fake) marriage be saved? Eurydice writes to a (real!) relationship expert

In Offenbach's loony bizzaro-world version of the story of Orpheus and Euridice, the happy couple is *cough cough* not so happy. They're a typical Parisian married couple of the 1850's; in other words...
Duana Welch, Ph.D.
Dispenser of advice to love-lorn opera characters


...they can't stand each other. They're bored bored BORED,  and they're both carrying on affairs with mistress and boyfriend, respectively. But not respectfully, if you see what I mean.

BUT! Thanks to the character of Public Opinion in this version, that middle-class matron who insists that Orffy and Eury "play it straight", Eurydice just texted me that she's willing to make one last attempt to save her marriage and, thus, her reputation.

So I put her in touch with one of my favorite Facebook friends, Dr. Duana Welch. As one learns on her websiteDuana C. Welch, Ph.D. (pronounced DWAY-nuh) is the relationship advice columnist known for applying social science research to reader questions about a variety of romantic-relationship issues.  Her blog, “LoveScience: Research-based relationship advice for everyone” is a best-seller in the relationship and behavioral science categories at Amazon.com, and is also available free at www.LoveScienceMedia.com.   Duana launched LoveScience in 2009.  She’s also a regular contributor at Psychology Today and eHarmony, where she muses about relationship science.  Duana’s book, Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, released in January, 2015; it is the first science-based book to take readers from before they meet until they commit to The One. 

Critics have called Love Factually "a must read for all those of us seeking a lasting love", and "a smart, funny page-turner, full of heart and based on the best science."


From time to time I like to ask Duana to weigh in with her expert opinion on the often very complicated love-lives of opera characters, including the fun couples in Aida and Cosi fan tutte. So naturally, when it came to Orffy and Eury, I thought of her.


Eurydice was pretty pumped to find out about Duana! I was just checking my email, and Eury sent me copies of her correspondence with Duana. Here's how Eurydice spelled out her marital problem:



Dear Duana,

I  don't know if you can help me or not, but I loved your book and if anyone can save my marriage it's you. Here's my problem:

Everyone thinks I have the perfect marriage. People actually write poems and songs and plays and stuff about my husband and me, but I'm stressing out because I feel like it's a big lie.

My husband (let's call him "Orffy") is this big-time musician. Everybody is really into his music - they cry and swoon and everything - but he NEVER stops playing that damn violin and it's driving me NUTS. I don't know if it's misophonia or WHAT (I looked that up on WebMD) but the sound of that fiddle is stepping on my last nerve. He saws away on it when he's feeling romantic or whatever, and honestly, I just want to soak it in kerosene and set it on fire and stomp on the ashes. 

My other problem: just down the road lives this shepherd dude. He is, like, the cutest shepherd EVER. When we make eye contact I just get tingly all over and I know it's mutual. Plus, he isn't into music, so it's like we're soul mates.

I want a divorce, but I know "Orffy" will totally freak out and plus all the poets and painters and other artists who think we're such a perfect inspirational couple will go bananas.

What should I do, Duana?

Signed,

Literally in Hades

Duana wrote write back (she's like that, you know, very efficient...) and here's her actual advice to Offenbach's unhappy heroine. Faithful readers, if the magic has gone out of YOUR relationship, you might give some thought to this:


Dear Mrs. Hades,

Being in a bad marriage is a lot like hell: hot, and not in the good way.  Fortunately, research shows that married people are twice as likely as the unwed to describe themselves as happy.  

Unfortunately, there are exceptions, and you're one.  

Before I go on (and on), may I ask: What drew you to Orffy?  Surely his love of his instrument was there when he was courting you.  Perhaps you've grown tired of a tune played too often?

If so, I urge you to avert your eyes from Mr. Shepherd Dude and return them to your melodious mate, for the following reasons:

1) The big lie is that you're living a big lie; what's really happening is that your memory is playing tricks on you. People experience the past in terms of the present.  In one study, almost 400 couples reported themselves very happy as newlyweds, but a mere two years later, only the still-happy could recall that early bliss; the rest mis-recalled that things had always been bad.  

I'm sure it will relieve you to learn there's a scientific term for this: state-dependent memory.   You're unhappy now, so you probably reminisce as if that was always the case, and that makes you think your marriage is doomed to misery~so what's the point?  It's like depressed people who commit suicide because they can't recall ever being happy, so they project into the future that they never will be.  But unless Orffy dragged you away by your unwilling hair, you chose him too; something was hot in the best sense when you started out.  

2) You can get the spark back.  Nearly 90% of couples who contemplate divorce, but stay married, are very happy together within five years.  So there's another big lie exposed: The idea that you're unhappy now, so you always will be, is a whopper.

3) Most people who divorce and/or change partners to get a better life say divorce was tougher than they thought it would be, and the new partner comes with a new set of intractable problems.  Did you know that fully 70% of all couples' problems will never be solved?  Yep.  And that includes all the happy couples.  You don't have to solve your problems to be happy, and you can be happy even in the face (or in this case, ear) of issues with your current mate.  

So not only will Orffy and the general public freak out about your break-up, but odds are that you eventually will, too late.  And I can assure you that the Little Drummer Boy there has his share of crazy-making quirks.  Why give up fame and adoration and your vows for a young hottie with a long staff?  Wait...that was badly said.

Anyway, the bottom line is this: There are times when divorce is appropriate, and they're what I call the Three A's: chronic addiction, adultery, or abuse.  About a third to a half of current divorces meet this standard.  People who divorce over these are indeed better off without their erstwhile spouses.  However, "chronic violin playing" is not on that short list.  

So don't ditch Orffy.  Instead, I recommend getting earplugs, creating an Orffy-free and sound-proof zone in your house, and telling him how sexy he is when he puts his instrument down.  Consciously return to listing the endearing things he does each day, rather than meditating on the one thing you don't like.  Let the man you've already got help you fall back in love with him, so you can revel in all those love songs being composed in your honor.  


Besides, baaaaa-ing gets old, too.  And you can count only so many sheep before the boredom sets in.  

Faithful readers, Eurydice might not be real, but Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., sure is. And if I were you, I'd check out Love Factually at the link above. 

Thanks, Duana!

25 comments:

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  2. My husband left me for a younger woman and I was devastated. It was as if she had him under an evil spell, Paul turned against me overnight without any warning. It happened last year, I was desperate so I used every single spell casting website that I could find with no results. A friend sent me the link to Dr. Todd's site and I contacted him two months ago. He started working with me on October. As a result from all of his wonderful work, my man and I are back together. I'm so happy and privileged to have such a great person like you on my side. Thank you! e-mail: manifestspellcast@gmail.com

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  3. Hey,I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Mohammed can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Mohammed. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Mohammed real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348134493948

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  4. Hey,I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Mohammed can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Mohammed. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Mohammed real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348134493948

    ReplyDelete
  5. OMG! Thank you so much Dr. OCUSODO for restoring back my Broken marriage for 3 years of total separation with my lovely husband cos of her mistress who use a spell on him to abandoned me and our kids. i have contacted so many casters online several times but be scammed. i saw a testimony on the internet of one Juliet testifying of your good work, i contacted you which you assured me just 48 hours for an instant result. Sir just same 48 hours as you promise my husband came back home begging for forgiveness to love and cherish i and the kids forever, am so happy and thankful to you Dr. OCUSODO,,,I am So Happy and Excited because as i am writing this Testimony, My husband is madly in love with me again. If there is any body Out there who is in Difficulties and need help should kindly Contact Dr. OCUSODO on His Email ID and he is Ready to Help you no matter the Situation, WhatsApp or call him now: +2349067457724

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    My Husband is back home now and we are joyfully living together as one good family and i thank the powerful spell caster DR OBED, (drobedspelltemple@hotmail.com). He is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that good spell casters still exist and DR OBED, is one of the good and best spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, My Husband now love me more than before i am so Happy. And my Husband have cancel the Divorce with the help of DR OBED.. If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell That Truly Works Fast, I Suggest You ,"CONTACT Via Email, (drobedspelltemple@hotmail.com) You Can Also Call Him +2348078800009.................

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  8. Hey,I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Mohammed can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Mohammed. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Mohammed real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348134493948

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  9. Hi everybody. I recently saw a testimony about Dr. Todd in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months, he just suddenly changed,he wasnt returning my calls,he started cheating,he was hurting me in many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort*..and I contacted Dr. Todd..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable,his consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little coz I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters,scams and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing...I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope he could help other people too like he did me...I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for*my husband,my family and my life back. E-mail: manifestspellcast@gmail.com WhatsApp: +1 (830) 239 0730 website:https://manifestspellcast.wordpress.com

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  10. This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Dr.Agadaga have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 7 days as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self.His email:agadagaspiritualhome@gmail.com or you can call/whatsApp him on mobile 2348153044210 Thanks Dr Agadaga.

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  11. Oh my God, I'm so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me…My name is Mercy Fred am from USA.If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something 7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby…then my husband left home for the idiot called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he then understand his self he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to Dr.Voodoo who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR.Voodoo cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave the thanks to Dr.Voodoo who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you can contact him and His email address is (voodoospell10@gmail.com) call or WhatsApp him (+2349060273197) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.

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  12. When I found Dr. Paul I was in desperate need of bringing my ex lover back. He left me for another woman. It happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. He just dumped me after 3 years with no explanation. I contact Dr.Paul through his website and He told me me what i need to do before he can help me and i did what he told me to, after i provided what he wanted, he cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did his spell, my boyfriend started texting me again and felt horrible for what he just put me through. He said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. We moved in together and he was more open to me than before and then he started spending more time with me than before. Ever since Dr. Paul helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before. I highly recommends Dr. Paul to anyone in need of help. Email: astoriashrine@ gmail com, Call him or add him on whatsapp via: +2349051441669

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  13. Hi my name is Janice, was with a man for years, a man whom I believed was the one for me, turned out, and he wasn’t, the other 3 woman he had on the side seemed to be perfect for him. I was uninterested in men and love, I lost touch with the outside world, until I tried your service. I refused to feel the way I did when he stomped on my heart. I had a faithful and committed spell casted and I must say I am happily engaged to a man whom I love and he tells me everyday how he adores me. Happy and in love, Germany.
    you can also contact the spell caster

    ; drgarbonspellhome@gmail.com,


    whatsapp; +2348168745537

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi my name is Janice, was with a man for years, a man whom I believed was the one for me, turned out, and he wasn’t, the other 3 woman he had on the side seemed to be perfect for him. I was uninterested in men and love, I lost touch with the outside world, until I tried your service. I refused to feel the way I did when he stomped on my heart. I had a faithful and committed spell casted and I must say I am happily engaged to a man whom I love and he tells me everyday how he adores me. Happy and in love, Germany.
    you can also contact the spell caster

    ; drgarbonspellhome@gmail.com,


    whatsapp; +2348168745537

    ReplyDelete
  15. Are you in bad need of love spell to bring back your ex lover or reunite your marriage? Email Dr. Sam for fast 24 hours solution. I had a problem with my husband a year and six months ago, which lead us apart. When he broke up with me, I was confuse and did not know what to do to get him back, I felt so empty inside. Until i came across Dr. Sam on the internet on how He has helped so many people solve there various problem. I emailed Him and I told Him my problem and i did what he asked me to do for him to help me, to briefly make the long story short, Before I knew it, in less than 24 HOURS, my Husband gave me a call and he came back to me and told me he was sorry about what was going on between the both of us. Finally I am writing this testimony to offer my thanks and deep gratitude to you Dr. Sam for keeping to your words and your promises in bringing him back to me in just 24 hours of your powerful spell casting, and for using your gifted and great powers to bring him back. If you need his help, you can email him at: {supremespellcast@gmail.com Or supremespellcast@yahoo.com} His blog> https://supremespellcast.blogspot.com WhatsApp/Call +2347087462033 Jerry Mary from Australia

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  16. MY HUSBAND IS BACK WITH THE GREAT HELP OF DR SAM LOVE SPELL

    I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored my ex husband is back after he left me and our 2kids for another woman. i was so happy to met Dr.Ojabu how he help many people to bring there Lover back so i contact him to help me too. that was how Dr.Ojabu help me to bring my husband back.. A big thank to you Dr.Ojabu because I never thought my ex Husband will be back to me so quickly with your spell. You are the best and world greatest. if you are here and you need your Ex Lover back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact:
    Email him at: drojabusolutiontemple@gmail.con you can also Call/WhatsApp:+2348039177826...

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi my name is Janice, was with a man for years, a man whom I believed was the one for me, turned out, and he wasn’t, the other woman he had on the side seemed to be perfect for him. I was uninterested in men and love, I lost touch with the outside world, until I tried your service. I refused to feel the way I did when he stomped on my heart. I had a faithful and committed spell casted and I must say I am happily engaged to a man whom I love and he tells me everyday how he adores me. Happy and in love, Germany.
    you can also contact the spell caster

    ; drgarbonspellhome@gmail.com,

    whatsapp; +2348168745537

    ReplyDelete
  18. My heart was falling apart, my emotions were dying slowly, i was gradually losing my beauty, All because the man I got married to 4 years back was no longer the same man again, he started going out with women, drinking in all the bar, all he was saying was we need to get a divorce ASAP that I look old to him, I cried my life, i begged him yet all he was saying was the same divorce, now until I found how people were talking about a love doctor who has helped so many people to get their lovers back so I made no hesitation to contact him via his WhatsApp (+2348100368288) and also wrote a mail to him on his Email: (Priestazibasolutioncenter@gmail.com) before I finished telling him my problems, he already told me all about my life, I was very surprised, and he told me what to do in the process for the love spell and in less than 48 hours everything was ready, he sent me a package and I did as he said so at night I was on my bed sleeping when I saw my husband kneeling down at my front begging for me to forgive him, I thought it was a dream till today, I am so regretful to you Priest Aziba, please anyone goes through sure problem should contact Priest Aziba for your solution before it become too late for you.

    (1) LOTTERY SPELL
    (2) HERPES/HEPATITIS HERBAL CURE
    DR Email:Priestazibasolutioncenter@gmail com
    DR WhatsApp: +2348100368288

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